9.22.2003 1. I don't remember whether I mentioned this or not, and I'm too lazy to scroll down and look, but about four weeks ago I fed a stringbean to a groundhog. My life is full of adorable moments I haven't the memory to catalog.
2. A quote from the tiny journal I keep in my left pocket at all times, even when I'm wearing shorts: "Have you even thought about dog attacks?! Besides terrorism, they're the only threat we have!"
"Yeah! Nobody expects dogs!"
3. A search referral made me realize that only a month ago we were casually discussing John Ritter, and now he's dead. I never enjoyed watching "Three's Company" as a child, mostly because every single joke was over my head, but it always held a special place in my heart. (After reading that sentence, I considered replacing the phrase "special place in my heart"). For a period of months on the Olde English website, before we even had any material to post, the index page consisted of a graphic that said "Coming Soon!" accompanied by the "Three's Company" theme song. As lame a page as it was, I would visit it three or four times a day, just to listen to that song.
4. After some serious though not altogether difficult detective work, I have verified that my place of employment has been paying me significantly less than I've earned. This is a situation that shall be resolved any number of ways. Tomorrow I shall address the problem legally. The day after that I am walking out the back door with the espresso machine.
5. I may have a home. Details will hopefully follow.
9.15.2003 1. I keep very busy for a homeless person. For instance:
A. I paint paintings with Joel on Crafternoon.
B. I make my close friends DJ battle at four square for my affection.
C. I drive quickly in my car in low-light situations.
2. Part of my everyday routine is calling Brendan. This would be a lot to call someone if he ever picked up. I've become accustomed to boring his answering machine with details of my life, and occassionally he'll call my machine and do the same. It's difficult never actually talking to him, both because of the purpose he serves in my life and because I hate his answering machine message. My relationship with Brendan, like my relationship with Ned, consists largely of discussions about music and employment and, to the greatest extent, women and the ways they hypnotize and infuriate us. Having renditions of my own stories told back to me makes the whole difference in my life, and not talking to him has the surprising power of making part of me feel alone.
3. A little girl asked me in a little girl voice: "Do you have any root beer?!"
To which I replied: "YEAH!"
And she: "YAY!"
And I: "No, I'm sorry, that was mean. We don't have root beer."
4. I still want an Ipod. I doubt this sensation will pass. I'd endeavored to go without a home until I could afford the 40 GB model, but it's looking more and more like my doing so would unnecessarily screw the other people who are looking to share a house with me. At the same time though, I want one so bad--and I can always make new friends.
The other night I dreamt that I was in a pawn shop, pawning my stereo so I could afford an Ipod. Only in a dream would I sell my stereo. The pawn broker took my speakers and receiver behind the counter, looked them over for a moment, then gave me an estimated figure of fifteen-hundred dollars.
"So wait," I asked him, having never pawned anything, "you mean that in order to get my stereo back, I'm going to have to pay you fifteen-hundred dollars?" This figure seemed shocking, being twice the value of the stereo system.
It was at that moment that I realized that he was also giving me that much money, and that I would be able to buy not only an Ipod, but also a brand-new stereo system--and still have money left over.
"Wait," I told him. "Nevermind, I'll do it." Of course the pawn broker, also being part of my brain, instantly understood what was going on, and quickly retracted his offer.
9.09.2003 "Excuse me. The menu says that the oyster stew has an asian twist....so what's the asian twist?" "Hmm. I'm going to say it's a splash of coconut milk. But I just made that up so it's probably not true. I told a woman earlier today that it was a splash of lemon. Really though, I don't have any idea, and I don't think anyone does. I'll tell you what I'll do though: if you order the soup, I'll let you choose what I tell the next customer who asks. Deal?"
9.01.2003 1. As I have mentioned in prior posts, I am currently homeless. This sounds worse than it is. Because while indeed, I am currently without a home, I am in no way homeless in the true sense of the word. For example, I have yet to sleep on anything less than a mattress, and I don't believe I have yet been cold. Perhaps it is best to say that I have many homes, and none of them are mine. It's troubling to discover how little I mind being separated from all of my possessions, and it makes me wonder why I have all the things I have. Which is not to say that I don't still want an Ipod, because I do. But more than once in the past couple days I've considered selling most of my things, just to be rid of them. I doubt I will ever have the energy to do such a thing, but I find the idea intriguing. This same idea made John Freyer of AllMyLifeForSale.com somewhat famous and qualified him to write a book.
8.31.2003 As you may remember, I did not post on the 31st. It is alarmingly easy to forge a date-stamp (I apologize terribly if I'm incorrect in this accusation). Taking that and other instances of forgetfulness into account, I have updated the list of remaining contestants.
