12.21.2003 1. Two days ago I awoke with an enormous canker sore on the side of my tongue. For the entire day, this complicated both talking and chewing. In a gas station grocery store, where we went to buy charcoal, I found a bottle of local anesthetic, and later, in front of a mirror, I read the directions on the back of the bottle. No matter how much of the stuff I applied to the area around my sore, I couldn't completely dull the pain. Bending back my tongue in the mirror, eyeing the circular sore that was clearly as deep as it was painful, I resolved to inject the anesthetic into the outer tissue of my tongue. Quickly thereafter I left the bathroom, having no desire to be around when I found an appropriate substitute for a syringe.
2. The cashier at Blockbuster likes my taste in movies, so I never have to pay any rental fees. In exchange, I have to spend four to six minutes, every time I go in there, talking about independent metal bands I know absolutely nothing about. I want to seem like I know what I'm talking about--because he has tattoos on his hands and he gives me free movies--but the fact of the matter is that I just can't stand metal bands.
3. Tonight is my restaurant's Christmas party. Those of us interested in receiving gifts were instructed to spend ten to fifteen dollars on a gift for someone else. Gifts are to be opened one at a time, in such a way that the person opening a gift has the ability to choose to either keep that gift, or to take an opened gift away from someone else. Knowing this, I resolved to buy the present that no one would want. I considered fifteen dollars in cinderblocks (too heavy, too much work). I considered a ten dollar gift certificate to our restaurant. Later, at the mall, I settled for a calendar of ferrets snowboarding.
12.17.2003 I plan to go into far greater depth in the near future, but in about two weeks, my good friend Joel and I are driving across the country. All the way from New York to California. And we need places to stay. Or, barring that welcome luxury, we would love people--even people we've never spoken to--to show us around their tiny corner of America. We're two friendly people looking to have a good time and meet interesting people while traversing a continent. Will you help us?
12.11.2003 Among the things I think I'll miss upon entering the real world, I have to include the all-night video editing "parties." Eight people, a deadline, and a room full of computers. It's a surprising amount of fun.
12.6.2003 Quoting Adam Conover, who I made repeat himself three times while I typed slowly:
"You know, Ben, we've known each other a long time since freshman year, but my opinion of you as a person has not improved--at all--in that time. I still think you're a mean, petty, selfish, heartless person--but I don't really mind that about you."
1. I stayed up most of the night last night, working on things and consuming caffeine pills. They're as safe as coffee, you know. By sunrise my hands were shaking uncontrollably and my heart felt broken in a way that was uncommon even for me.
2. My birthday was last Saturday, and I can't remember the last time I've appreciated my birthday so much. I turned twenty-two on the twenty-second. If I were a girl, I would have made a big deal out of this. We performed an improv show that night, appropriately titled "Ben's Surprise Party Improv." There were flyers up around campus full of horrible pictures of me taken from various places on the internet, and all day complete strangers wished me a happy birthday.
3. We're putting on a big awesome comedy show on Dec. 13th, and that means that it's time for me to stop talking to my friends and relations. The two weeks before a show are always hard on my relationships. The only way I can conceive of accomplishing as much as I hope to accomplish is by committing myself fully to my work, even at the expense of my personal life. More and more I fear that I will always do this, that this is a problem I will always have. I read a book about Saturday Night Live that remarked about how writer A. Whitney Brown's wife left him because he spent too much time working on sketches. Yikes.
4. Two of my favorite people are visiting me tonight. Later I will take a picture of the three of us and post it on the internet. This point was hardly worth mentioning, though it does suggest the amount of premeditation I put into some of my posts. It is always important to me that my actions appear casual, no matter how long I've been thinking about them.
5. In case you're interested, I still have my job.
